top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]wolfamongyou 4440 points4441 points  (90 children)

As your dad, I always thought you were a little slow, but I still loved you, all the way from my other families house.

[–]NotATuring 984 points985 points  (65 children)

How many families do you keep per house?

[–]rsn1990 430 points431 points  (21 children)

Depends how many I can fit in the pool after I take the ladder away.

ITT: lots of people who missed the Sims joke.

[–]PM_Me_Clavicle_Pics 109 points110 points  (2 children)

So that's where my dad is. He left for a pack of cigarettes 20 years ago and he's been trapped in /u/rsn1990 's pool ever since.

[–]pussyaficianado 11 points12 points  (0 children)

It rubs the nicotine lotion in its skin or else it gets the hose again.

[–]StovenDaOven 28 points29 points  (8 children)

Wouldn't be the same without drowning people in pools without ladders

[–]Zack123456201 15 points16 points  (3 children)

[–]fukkinmike 3 points4 points  (0 children)

See also: "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" Season 6; Episode 5, 'Mac and Charlie-White Trash'

[–]ChineWalkin 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Or in the floating house after you take the stairs away.

[–]Delta-9- 5 points6 points  (1 child)

You forget, if you played the Sims back in the day you're now older than probably a quarter of redditors by a significant gap.

[–]spunkychickpea[🍰] 56 points57 points  (12 children)

True story:

A few years after my grandfather died, we found out he had four wives that nobody knew about. Some of the marriages overlapped too. Dude was setting up franchises all across the country.

[–]wolfamongyou 10 points11 points  (8 children)

My Grandmothers father did something similar, he had a wife and kids on the side that no one knew about until he died, and then my Grandmother's brothers had to go and repossess her stove that their father had been paying for.

I mean he wasn't starting franchises, but he wasn't letting one marriage hold him down.

I guess it was easier to get away with it back then, at least until the bills came due.

[–]elus 5 points6 points  (7 children)

Now you gotta branch out internationally to South America or South East Asia.

[–]csyrett 9 points10 points  (3 children)

How can you be a bad influence if you're never there?

[–]wolfamongyou 2 points3 points  (2 children)

He doesn't need me, he can find terrible male role models on his own.

[–]csyrett 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Always the giver!

[–]wolfamongyou 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You can't give 'em too much, that'll make 'em off in the head.

You have to balance it out.

[–]cy_el 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Plot twist. It's his actual dad

[–]slipstream808 1 point2 points  (0 children)

See you have to stay with the good family. Thats how you keep yourself level.

[–]TFJ 440 points441 points  (18 children)

"You remember when you're young, and you think your Dad's Superman, but then you get older and you realize he's just a drunk who wears a cape?"

  • Dave Attell

[–]DeeDubb83[S] 156 points157 points  (16 children)

To be honest, I was actually planning on stealing this joke (Dave Attell is one of the best comedians and joke tellers alive). As I was writing it, the "Invisible Man" punchline popped into my head. This is the first time an OC joke has had some success, so I'm pretty happy with it.

[–]1-00 53 points54 points  (8 children)

It's a good joke, have you considered submitting it to be archived in the r/jokes # system?

[–]DeeDubb83[S] 21 points22 points  (7 children)

Not sure how to go about doing that (or what that is tbh)

[–]1-00 52 points53 points  (6 children)

Just a stupid joke.

I was talking about how some jokes on this sub are so commonly reposted, they're "numbered" (e.g. #23659). Your joke was good, it might be reposted in this sub at some point. I was suggesting you "assign it a number" for when it is reposted.

Now that I've typed this out I realize how stupid and longwinded my comment was. Sorry, carry on.

[–]DeeDubb83[S] 46 points47 points  (3 children)

Haha. Unfortunately, even though I came up with this joke on my own, it would still be #2 :(

[–]PM_ME_YOUR_PAWG_BUTT 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm gonna repost this joke tomorrow. It'd be great to give it an archive number before that though.

[–]dkwangchuck 4 points5 points  (0 children)

How about - as a child, I always thought my father was a superhero like Superman. Fictional.

[–]Papashrug 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sounds like you tried to steal a joke and fucked up

[–]Nessie8 4450 points4451 points  (73 children)

Didn’t expect to click on a dark joke...

[–]flames422 1631 points1632 points  (50 children)

Is that a race joke? Have an upvote.

[–]sarah-xxx 756 points757 points  (42 children)

It is a race joke... last to the cigarettes/milk store loses.

[–]ThatsMrSpears2U 207 points208 points  (24 children)

...their male role model

[–]_TheRealist 64 points65 points  (20 children)

Luckily my dad came back

[–]soe_moe 51 points52 points  (18 children)

Then went for a round 2!

[–]_TheRealist 34 points35 points  (17 children)

Nah he just unintentionally influenced me to start smoking ciggies man

[–]NinjaHDD 23 points24 points  (14 children)

Noooo don't smoke cigarettes!

[–]_TheRealist 19 points20 points  (13 children)

It's too late for that man, quitting is hard.

[–]whodatfairybitch 2 points3 points  (5 children)

I thought it was too late to quit, then i got one of those new Juul thingies (small, discreet vape charges via USB, very easy to use) and i was surprised. Been smoking a max of 2-3 cigs a day, sometimes none at all.

[–]ericdavis1240214 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Your dad invented peanut butter on graham crackers! You can do something great with your life, too.

[–]CatsAndIT 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Try vaping.

Unrelated: Happy cake day!

[–]TheRealCJ 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Merry Christmas!

[–]VinsanityJr 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Merry Christmas to you too!

[–]3DSCRUSHER 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Welp mine still is in line

[–]Scrpn17w 12 points13 points  (2 children)

But why male role models?

[–]dutch_penguin 4 points5 points  (0 children)

So more people grow up to become postal workers?

[–]Hesparian 8 points9 points  (0 children)

But why male models? /':}

[–]heronumbertwo 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Still waiting for Dad to be back with a pack of cigarettes

[–]Dirkinator 8 points9 points  (0 children)

So is that a store that sells cigarette flavoured milk?

[–]Jeffbomb36 3 points4 points  (0 children)

He needs some milk!

[–]LamasInLava 4 points5 points  (0 children)

And it's technically a dad joke as well

[–]TheRandyDeluxe 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It's bread and milk, you fool! Dost though knoweth nought!?

[–]daggern1 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hey Sarah, didn't expect to see you here

[–]MinerZB 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Nice one sarah.

[–]ForeverPlayer2 23 points24 points  (1 child)

Guess you didn't see it coming... Or him leaving

[–]rockstang 6 points7 points  (0 children)

He'll be back, he just smokes a really hard to find brand of cigarettes.

[–]ConnorMcJeezus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

OP didn't expect to see their dad either

[–]Daevilhoe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I guess you could say you couldn't see it coming

[–]HarambeCantMeltSteel 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Would be darker if Dad was The Punisher.

[–]Rezmir 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It is a joke about a dad and not a dad joke.

[–]bsend 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I was like "Oh........."

[–]monnii99 1 point2 points  (0 children)

HAHA GET IT, BECAUSE HE'S BLACK! God this joke is so overdone.

[–]broomless 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I know, prepared to smile, met with a little heartbreak.

[–]wh3ninrome 294 points295 points  (11 children)

I came here to laugh, not to feel.

[–]giladS697 45 points46 points  (6 children)

Dark humor isn't suitable for everyone. I laughed.

[–]Iammaybeasliceofpie 45 points46 points  (1 child)

Dark humor is like food in Ethiopia, not everyone gets it.

[–]CreateNewObject 14 points15 points  (0 children)

But everyone is dark. It's something 🤷‍♀️

[–]premium-assam 6 points7 points  (1 child)

I laughed. And then I feeled.

[–]Nadaac 1 point2 points  (1 child)


What’s that supposed to mean?

[–]Didiams 88 points89 points  (1 child)

Finally a hero I can strive to be like

[–]Dogeatswaffles 79 points80 points  (10 children)

Incredible how you can, see right through him!

[–]buddycheesus 28 points29 points  (1 child)

Wow...a deep track Queen reference. Not an everyday occurrence. Erpvote

[–]Cjbrick910 6 points7 points  (0 children)

And here I am, waiting for the hammer to fall.

[–]BaconBoy123 17 points18 points  (0 children)


[–]Barimen 6 points7 points  (1 child)

That song used to scare the crap out of my during late-night music-listening binges with headphones.

Silence, then a whispered "I'm the invisible man" right into your ear.

Made me jump every time.

[–]Adrii619 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Scrolling through comments waiting for this. Was not disappointed.

[–]Dogeatswaffles 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was too. Didn't see it so I took the shot.

[–]eyecandy99 68 points69 points  (10 children)

Personally my dad is One-PUNCH-Man

[–]KoroSexy 17 points18 points  (9 children)

Sanjou! Hishhou! Kisshou Saikyou! NATTENDENBA! FRUSTRATION! OMA TO WARRANAI!!!

[–]TheMagicGlue 36 points37 points  (1 child)

Excuse me, but the lyrics are:

3, 2, 1, kiss Joe!

Sir Joe! Kiss Joe! Shit Joe, Side Joe! Massive Glitter! Restoration! GO DOWN TOMORROW NIGHT!

[–]KoroSexy 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Misheard anime lyrics ftw xD

[–]MadRabbit116 9 points10 points  (1 child)

*sanjou, hisshou, shijou saikyou, nandattenda? Frustration, ore wa tomaranai

At least you tried

[–]KoroSexy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Derp... ty

[–]mywordswillgowithyou 36 points37 points  (18 children)

Wasn't the Invisible Man originally a "monster" back in the 20's? A chemist who went insane?

[–]IamNotChrisFerry 16 points17 points  (12 children)

HG Wells book from the 30s is the one I'm familiar with.

he was an albino who was able to turn himself Invisible because he lacked the the pigments that would stop most people from becoming invisible. But whatever drug he used to make him invisible also turned him insane.

[–]AsianTaco2016 8 points9 points  (8 children)

Wow. Was definitely thinking of Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison. Two separate books there

[–]027eddy 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yeah it was a novel by H.G Wells which showed a physicist who through his insane discovery of going invisible went mad and eventually died!!

[–]spongeboobs23 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Found John Cena's child

[–]kopenskinator 27 points28 points  (7 children)

The invisible man is actually a universal movie monster. Made in 1933 this movie is considered one of the greats and pioneered a way for special effects for the coming ages. Johnny Depp is cast to portray him in the upcoming reboot.

[–]BearsAreCool 7 points8 points  (1 child)

He's in the comic The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.

[–]filthysize 2 points3 points  (0 children)

In which he is a bad guy. He commits treason and rapes teenage girls in the comic.

[–]TheOneInTheSkys 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Didn’t they scrap the new Dark Universe after releasing the new Mummy film?

[–]omgFWTbear 1 point2 points  (1 child)

After the release of the new Mummy film limped out of box offices, to be a bit more precise.

[–]electricpizzza 8 points9 points  (2 children)

Yeah we need more black superheroes

[–]DMG1991 9 points10 points  (1 child)

I used to watch alot of Dragonball z i was convinced my dad was just off training like goku always did

[–]thejokerofunfic 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Actually about half the time Goku wasn't around, he was dead.

[–]rmartel14 21 points22 points  (10 children)

My father left my mom when she got pregnant. He had a really generic, common name like John Smith, so when I was little, I would imagine him as a James Bond-like spy or detective and he had to have a generic name as his cover.

He came back later in my life because "he wanted to be a father again" aka he felt guilty for ditching us. Turns out he's a hardcore conservative, Trump-loving, asshole. I want my childhood dream back.

[–]EdwardPeterHands 15 points16 points  (7 children)

I would leave too if my child was a liberal.

[–]Mergwen 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I don't know why I'm laughing at this

[–]TradeMark310 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I love how hardcore conservatives always seem like pieces of shit themselves. They just love to point a finger yet can't seem to do the decent godly thing correctly. Typical hypocrite.

[–]daviedanko 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm a fan of black comedy

[–]DeeDubb83[S] 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Sadly, I thought this was true OC. Shoutout to /u/371121 for beating me to it. Definitely a case of parallel thinking. Still, I'm quite happy that a joke that popped into my head actually made it to the front page. It validates way too many hours of joke writing and thinking I'm a lot funnier than I actually am. Thanks everyone.

[–]lanasands 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Joke's on you.

[–]zefresh 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"peace loving decoy ready for retaliation"

The type of lemonade I love. Well done.

[–]Do_you_even_cheeze 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I always thought my priest was a super hero...

The Flash

[–]PzykoHobo 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I thought my dad was a superhero, too. Turns out he just really like to wear latex and a mask.

[–]TheWhiteAlbatross 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Buttsex man. If only I knew how to link on moble. Look up Steven Lynch.

[–]Chief-Chris 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m 40 years old and my father passed a few years ago on Father’s Day . He’s still my superhero.

[–]SourceHouston 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Was the invisible man a superhero? He, understandably given his condition, was a huge asshole

[–]JJ_____ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My father was the Weinstein of fathers...

[–]straight_outta_cash 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Username checks out

[–]erwac 1 point2 points  (0 children)

HAHA! I can so relate to this one! Dad was nowhere to be found! :D

[–]ZachBurkle 1 point2 points  (0 children)


[–]koggok 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My Hero My guardian angel you'll always be my hero love you dad

[–]heroinejuul 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm 19 and I still do

[–]Romano16 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't understand why everyone is calling this a black joke. There are plenty of kids of all races that don't have fathers. I don't get why some things are seen as "black jokes" when fatherless children rate of all races are quite high.

[–]postpunctual 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I didn't know I had a brother. Welcome to the family.

[–]--dawg 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Plot Twist: OP is blind.

[–]coemo14 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As he left he went out screaming..."WE WUZ KAAAaaaaannnggggzzzz!!!!!!!"

[–]pickles1486 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As someone who doesn't know his dad, I'm going to have so much fun with this joke. thanks op

[–]kra2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s good there are not nearly enough African American superhero’s .

I’m not making a slanderous comment but one that makes fun of that stereotype. I’m Franco American and have never met my father (FYI).

[–]AllanfromWales1 2 points3 points  (1 child)

As a child, I always thought of my dad as a superhero

'cos he wore his underwear outside his pants?

[–]shadowdsfire 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Shoutout to Simpleflip.

[–]sksksk1989 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Right in the feels man

[–]Thisnamewontfi- 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Chuckled un-sensibly, thank you.

[–]sackerfice 1 point2 points  (0 children)


[–]FrankkWasBetter 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dave Atell has a joke similar to this. "Remember when you're young and you think your dad is Superman? And then you grow up and realized he's just a drunk who wears a cape"

[–]PtolemyShadow 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Has anyone read the invisible man? He's really not a superhero. He's an ass and a murderer.

[–]eyecandy99 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Damn.. That dad is one superhero

[–]doryphorus99 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Then you realize he was just a drunk with a cape." - Dave Attell

[–]rhlmustafa 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A superhero who always save ur a** 😉

[–]Minstrel47 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"He was never there when I needed him most."

[–]GioVasari121 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I thought you didn't know his identity

[–]AmnesiA_sc 0 points1 point  (0 children)


[–]GeezusManForReal 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oof. This one hits close to home. Haven't seen the jerk since I was 11 yrs old. Dude just vanished on us. I love this joke tho. So good!

[–]IthinkIwannaLeia 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Invisible man is a horror movie monster. Invisible woman is a superhero. ... #men'srights!